I guess it's every parent's experience to constantly revel at the rate at which her child is growing. I have a good friend who recently (read: 3 months ago) had a baby. Her own blogs and Facebook posts are often filled with comments about how quickly her son is growing and changing, and my reaction is generally one of slight bemusement. I have a little smirk on my face and a twinkle in my eye. I remember feeling that awe in the first months of my son's life. But (sorry to have to tell you, B) the constant amazement wanes.
The feeling comes back, though, every once in a while. And when it does, it comes less as a sweet and fleeting moment of awe and wonder and more like a sudden brick to the frontal cortex reminding me how quickly and how much my son is growing. I had one such moment the other day.
I dropped my son off at school the other day, like I do every day. And like every day, he hopped out of the car with his bag and lunch in his hand. Like every day, he said "bye" as he closed the car door and headed for the front door of the school. Unlike every other day, though, that was the end of it.
He usually turns around just as I'm pulling away, giving me this sweet smile and a little half wave and watching for me to wave back. It's almost as good as a big hug by way of warming a mother's heart -- knowing the last thing he wanted before heading into school was a little connection with me. You may think I'm reading a little too much into a smile and wave, but you'd be wrong. My son is such a loving, affectionate little guy, and it's just like him to, in the absence of a big hug, offer the next best thing from afar.
The other day, though, another little boy was getting out of the car in front of us just as my son was climbing out of our car. (I knew the other boy was a kindergartener as well by virtue of the special bag they all carry at my son's school.) Instead of the normal sweet farewell, my son offered only a peremptory "bye" to me just as he slammed the door and went racing up to the other boy just making his way down the sidewalk in front of us.
I don't quite know how to explain how these two little boys looked as they immediately fell into step beside each other and shared a quick laugh over some little joke known only to them (and funny only to 5 year olds, surely). It must have been what I looked like with the best friend of my youth -- joined inseparably at the hip and wrapped in some isolated world all our own.
Seeing that image, I immediately had this flash of how much my son has changed in the last few months since he started school. He's so much more aware of and interested in his friends and the, for lack of a better word, "culture" of childhood. I can feel him ever so gradually drifting away from me and becoming more independent.
Granted, he's not exactly driving a car or taking a job just yet. And when I picked him up that afternoon, he was my sweet, loving little boy once again, eager to fling himself in my arms and tell me about his day. It was nice to dream for a while that it'll always be that way.
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